moving in with mom after dad died

Innocence can never be restored completely even with effort and determination. Everyone has to understand that I mean no harm and I resent everyone looking down on the GIRLFRIEND its become a dirty word to meI have not done any thing wrong. They said if they were in that situation they wouldnt be selfish like me. Psychologically, knowing that the visit is almost resented because I am not her is hard going. Try to find non-intrusive or organic ways when you can say, "mom, I'm here for you." Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. Now, he is practically living with her. Im sorry but she is not my mother and never will be. If we had to make a 100 mile round trip to save her a 2 mile detour hed want to save her the trouble. I am just not comfortable with that nor will I ever be. She is my age and we both really enjoyed talking and spending time together that week. Well soon to find out a few months after i found out there secretly dating. He is with the woman constantly. When my mom died, my biggest sadness was not for myself, but for my dad. I lost my mom on March 24, 2008 after her very hard fought battle with colon cancer. It will be different for everyone. I truly want her to be happy and have tried step back and look at the situation from an outsiders perspective but I am having great difficulty. Thank you, Ella, for being able to put into words the impact this has on the immediate children and future generations. I am SO very sad, but I feel there is nothing I can do. She complained a few years ago because her daughter and family called her on New Year and she couldnt be bothered to speak to them. Just a couple weeks after her death I found out that my dad received pictures of Young Filipino women, 3 different women, and on top of that it was from a distant family member whom divorced my aunt and remarried an American Filipino women. You get to decide who to reach for to meet your ever-changing needs. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. What kind of person pursues the spouse of a dying person? As much as I want him to be happy, Im upset with what happened to my mom for him to become happy & I feel like a traitor for even talking to him. The legal process in California gave the relative living in the house 60 days to move. What could she teach me? Dad and her were married 53 years. It wouldnt put it past them. There is another of them tastefully making outI told him, once again, that this WAS AWKWARD. So many of you have stories that resound with what is going on in my life right now. I was polite to her and to my dad. Did it make me angry at her? After one year of my mothers passing, while snowbirding in Florida, he met a woman from Belarus who can barely speak Englishwe are worried that she is after his money and citizenship. The best to all of you. Dear Erin, Im sorry that you havent been able to share your grief with your mother at a time when youre both reeling from this tremendous loss. It is his companion and we are happy for him but just wants more and more. Its hurtful because he is excited to be able to take her to see the sights when he visits me. Ill never forget Christmas morning, crying in her hospital room together. The only practical suggestion I can make at this time would be to let your father know exactly how you feel. And i think its to soon it really makes my stomach upset when i hear her name or see her with my dad. My father is volatile and a bully and so guiltily I became relieved when she was about as he did not treat me so badly. But then again, it is Till death do us part. Its been a long nearly 10 years since my Mom passed away and while I hate to bring religion or the afterlife into the conversation, I do believe I will see my Mom again one day. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. Which he did, but he seemed very needy and insecure. I now know that he would make the same choices again as he proves on a daily basis. Still, I feel like the pressures of my fathers new family are drawing him rapidly away from us. I lost my mother almost a year ago (Feb. 2008) and my father started spending time with an old friend from his past, 8 months later. Ive finally accepted that he hasnt replaced my Mom, he just wants companionship and to be happy again. I did because I loved him and felt so very sad for him losing mom and dealing with his own cancer. Many hurtful things were said between my father and myself where we stopped talking and strained our relationship. If somebody loses a parent, the remaining parent should not engage in a relationship until a reasonable time has passed. The relationship may well blow over. I can offer no hope to anyone going through this. The love of our lives died right in front of us, helpless, all our dreams to grow old together, and spend the golden years taking care of each other, see our grandchildren grow up, be with our best friend forever just vanished. He constantly is trying to one up me, that his loss is greater than mine, since I still have my husband. She told us from day one, she is never going to replace anyone, but having a companion is nice. What do I do? One of the friends that I talked to took it upon herself to call the girlfriend and tell her all my complaints and now my Dad is so mad at me, blaming me cause the girlfriend is upset and is possibly moving out. She felt needed and purposeful. That being said, the tide turned. All we want is to be happy and I definately do not want to replace the much older kids mom. Hong kong dollars 1.78 million to inform her son. You also say that there is no definitive objective timescale for someone moving on with someone new. We became friends and built such a great friendship with her. I had always been very close to my Mom and I knew my Dad was lonely and miserable. TWO days after she passed away, he was bragging about how we wanted to get out on the town and get laid. It was just weird, my Brother and I my son were only an hour away and he would not wait. She has told him he has a dirty mind. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I feel exactly as you have written. He was so happy that we were there in his hometown, with him and his family (since here he doesnt have that extended family). If he chooses her it is his choice. Nice. My mother died suddenly in November 2014. Get her into therapy if it seems she's in a real depression over this, and always remind her that plenty of people date well into old age these days, so if she really wants to move on when she's ready, that's not an issue. She has always identified as the caregiver and may never be ready to give up that role. Her shoes still sit in the entry way of the house and her glasses, hand lotion and chapstick are still are her nightstand. WHAT?? I have no idea who this woman is nor do I want to know. My family and I are working through grieving my mother who died in spring of 2015 after an 18 month battle with an aggressive form of cancer. When Ellen and my Dad got married I will never forget one of her friends being at the house at the wedding reception and walking up to me and saying So you are Ellens new daughter? I thought I would nearly fall over! I realize that I still am not ready to accept this & quite honestly dont think I ever will because I dont have to accept her into my life & I really dont want to. Fast forward a couple of years Today (Sunday April 17, 2016) I MARRY my awesome girlfriend that I met on that bike ride. After attacking my sister we could not visit at her home. I could overcome that. How I struggle each and every day just to make it to bedtime and then get up and do it all over again, all while trying to be a good wife and mother. Now going shopping together, shes visiting alot, furniture shopping, he wants to buy her a necklace and tell her not to tell the other sister where it came from. After reading some of your posts, maybe I should just let him go on with his life and let him go.or pretend I will get on with the program and be polite when I meet her and leave it at that. I dont want my dad to be alone, but what bothers me the most is the affection they show for each other. But you are the one who is grieving, not your Father, and you can experience it any number of ways. Dad lost his car in an accident just a few weeks before the stoke. WebAnswer (1 of 4): Im sorry for your loss. It sounds like this woman has him as my uncle would phrase it whipped. What these lonely old men dont seem to realize is that there is more to the situation than just their wants and needs. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were So his death was extremely sudden and we were just left in shock. She wears daisy duke shorts and mini skirts and tight dresses. Even if you choose to not listen to any of this, I am sorry to hear about your pain and your loss. You better believe it did. But guess what? And mind you im her only niece from my mom.She had a spots car she lost. Know that there is someone in England who is thinking of you and hoping you find your way. I do want to say a couple things, though: First off, both you and your mother (and your sister) might want to consider finding a good grief counselor soon. Now that that's over, she has no idea where she is. I know from experience that it can get very, very, very frustrating. It was because of the cancer that was growing all over her body. Her dad I have know from teen yearswe were an item, and still have the same attraction we did then. By Thanksgiving time he was insisting that we invite the friend to the family dinner as well or he would not attend. I think at some point, my ears and brain stopped listening and corresponding after he dropped this bombshell. Just a couple weeks after her death I found out that my dad received pictures of Young Filipino women, 3 different women, and on top of that it was from a distant family member whom divorced my aunt and remarried an American Filipino women. Losing both my life, as meetup. Im really not trying to discourage anyone from accepting your own situation (in time) . He broke when she died, but so did he. Go grocery shopping with her cook with her go see the movies. We hope is dying, and dating after my children that, child after all our posts. When my father finally broke up with this woman, we begun to work on talking again slowly.He then began dating another woman, who I am not completely comfortable with but have learned after experiencing the loss of my spouse in 2008, that what my father said about loving my mother no matter what and that even though he choose to date again he would love my mother no matter what and would do anything to be with her again. Im sure people have different views on this. Holding hands, sitting close together and kissing. But if you don't have advance notice (or that type of relationship), be gentle with yourself. I feel like my papa is such a difficult and selfish person who doesnt consider the feelings of his children. Except for the fact that it was really hard to communicate with her because she spoke little English. They do not ask themselves Am I willing to sacrifice the love and trust of my family (by refusing to wait and consider their feelings) for the buzz I am getting from this stranger I barely know and may not end up with? She sent us cards on my mothers death anniversary or birthday and was SO sympathetic to us. First off do you have to be the one to live alone? My question. Its for my dads sake. She is completely self absorbed and obsessed with wrinkles. He drives me insane. It's nice you and her were able to mutually benefit with you living there but now that you're ready to it's awesome! You can tell mom this: I moved out because you were demanding that I pay 1000 a month for three people to share one room. It was profoundly lonely and its not just the loss of intimicy, its more then that. She is an adult. My sister & I cry many times throughout the day. Give him a break. He only started dating after a few years (well, to what we know and thats fair in my eyes). I dont think that is asking for much, but I am in a place now, where I think I am going to have to cut him out of my life. I know you were close, but no matter how close there was a distance between you and he that is based on age and generation gapping. How could so much love be so quickly forgotten. He has made it perfectly clear (he has has actually told us) that if he has to choose between her and us, he will choose her every time and if we cannot include her in everything that we do, then he will not be in our lives. My dad does things with his new woman that he never would take the time to do with my mom. Following the loss of a family member, the family should come together and support each other. The first. When you lose someone you have loved for so many years dies, just REPLACE them with a new one. However, as big events come up in our lives, issues come up. I dont want to hear these things, nor do you, I am sure. My Dad will occasionally still talk about my Mom and I do too in front of her and she will sit there with her lips poked out pouting. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. I WAS SO RELIEVED!! She is actually very wrinkled even for her age although she is very fit indeed for her age. My question. I read every comment on this page and for those that are in the same or similar situations I feel your sadness, anger, and pain. Ive heard there is evil in the world, this is the first person Ive ever met that falls into this category. Our house was a mausoleum. He may feel he will win long term because you either accept her or lose him. Now, try the right place. A year later, my father met his wife and within months of dating she wanted my 1-year-old to call her Grandma. I have never spoken to her or met her. They are accepting of his new relationship whereas I am not. I agreed to meet this woman one time just for him. As I said, we barely knew each other. I want to be there for her and help her feel better, but I don't think pitying herself is what's best for her, and it seems like she is just stuck in this miserable pit that she doesn't seem to have a way to get out of. I agree that we just feel the way we feel. All the time my husband and I spent with my parents is with with this new girlfriend. above their children, and (2) aggressively reprimand the children for being selfish. November 11, 1998 dawned grey and cold. I encouraged him to go? Read my previous posting (number 57, on Octber 6th.). My experience with this is quite similar. I am married and living about an hour from my parents house. Two years is not nearly as long as many people might think when it relates to the loss of a loved one. They are very strong spiritually, academically, are very respectful people and all have a great sense of humor. However, I do not have to be as sensitive to my in-laws, because they are adults, and I am not responsible to them. I will have probably reacted the same way that the children did when you found out that your father or mother could find someone else attractive; I was surprised myself when I felt attracted to someone else a year and half after my husband passed away. to deal with this woman was challenging as admitting that this woman existed I had to admit a few other things: When you meet alone, you should tell him how you feel excluded from his life & how hurt and sad you are. This is my real dad. Which of course makes you feel awful.This continued throughout their relationship. My moms remains were in a box we got from the furneral home and he wasnt even thing of buying her a proper urn. Good to know there are other people that have gone through similar situations and feel similar to me. My dad sped up the selling of the house and ended up moving in with his girl friend in May after I graduated. I believe in family values. I dont understand. Blaming your father or his girlfriend or anyone else who you feel has caused your sadness will not help you find happiness. It hit the mark with me. I found all of this out the first day of my last semester in college. My mom left me stocks when she passed, just a couple hours after she passed, my dad is down my throat for those stocks. Fast-forward a bit, and I am now 20 years old. I accept him having a companion, but not one that draws a wedge between him and I. I dont think Ill ever be able to except her. Interesting then that my brother would come home the other night to find them cuddling on the couch at my dads house. I can tell you how it was for me as a child losing a Mum and within days and weeks feeling uncomfortable in my own home and as an adult with all the knowledge about sex drives and rights to a new life. In the summer, they went on an extended vacation. I cant respect someone who would be messing around while their spouse of many years is suffering. I dong want to meet her. However, our reality is that we are still grieving the woman who was mom, sister, aunt, grandmother. Then I found out that meant his girlfriend took over his bills and other household tasks as well. Is the number one destination for online dating with more What people in your situtation need to realize it is not all about you, there are children, grandchildren, in-laws. I believe that boundaries have to be in place and are there to be respected from both sides. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. After reading all your posts, Id rather never meet her! I put in over a thousand miles this year preparing for a 500 mile bike ride across our state. Personally, I want to punch this person in the face, and as for my dad, I feel like I dont even know him. I told her that her insecurities were causing a tremendous problem in our family. I came to this website looking for guidance that could help my future husband and my own relationship with his adult children after his mother passed away 3 years ago. God Bless you! I truly hope that all of you can find peace with your fathers dating again, and I am so very thankful to have found this site. After Moms Death, Daughter Struggles With Dads Girlfriend. Very sad, Ive kept praying for the strength.just too tired to turn my check again. Laugh March mom and Dad declared a separation ( Long story short, my 34-year-old big brother a wedge between them). Since we set the woman in icu, a world of my dad liked and suddenly at 53. I once believed for a while she loved him rather than he was useful to her but unfortunately I no longer can receive solace from this idea. I told her how much that upset us. Anyway my dad has been staying over at her house for probably over a year now. If you can, get her active in life. My fathers brother saw right through her from day one, and to this day cant fake his disdain for her. So living here with him has made it very hard on me. Her. I gulped down fear, as I rushed to find out what was happening. She is nice enough but very entitled; and shes not afraid to whine, complain, or impose if she thinks Im being too distant with her. It was completely understandable. Since my mother died, this is the first time she had attended one of our family gatherings. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. If she cannot accept the girlfriendjust as I cant accept my dads girlfriendsometimes we must make choices others dont agree with. As far as Im concerned unless you are going through it you wouldnt understand. My mother passed away about 3 years ago. Its been a little over 4 years since my mothers death. time. i have this new family, why was it bad I wanted my own space with my little family? I felt so desperately sad and alone for so long, for all the reasons the previous posters have stated. My brother has never been good at expressing his emotions, so it was especially heartbreaking to hear him express to me and my sisters that he felt abandoned. It will do no good. She just needs a shoulder to cry on and be. The sooner the better. He was very nervous during the entire conversation (like he has been since he started bringing up about talking to these women). I just miss how my family used to be and having someone I my life that doesnt judge me and loved me unconditionally. These fees can be surprisingly high. I dont want to have to cut him out of my life, but I am very angry with him for choosing his own happiness right now over his adult children, who are aching for his support. Minister here. My kids were. We told him that our grieving process is not done and we are not there yethe does not care. She and my father would sit together tut self-righteously if someone with a weight problem walked by. As much as I understand all this, I still find it so incredibly difficult to accept him dating. So, I dont know why I cant feel the same way about my father. When I asked him about it, he says, Hes sure that Ellen will most likely give it back to me and my brother when she dies. Im highly doubtful about that. People are here looking for comfort, and you bash them. My sister and I tried telling my dad that we werent ready for this and we were still grieving our mother, but he insisted that he had to do what was right for him. Her house sold and then all of a sudden she is living in my parents house. Within 3 days of her passing, my dad asked me if I wanted to meet this lady friend of his. So how, after your few months of experience, do you think yourself qualified to predict your feelings years into the future? He insists on talking about this woman non-stop and wants our families (including several grandchildren aged 8 to 14) to spend time with her. Please take the focus off of yourself and try. Within 4 months of her diagnosis, she was gone! My mom passed in Jan. A recent widow called my dad in March.. Is it possible these people are sometimes looking for financial gain? She is very upset by this. Thank you. Does your parent tell you who you should and should not date, live with or be married to? She lives about 20 minutes away and unlike my father, still drives. From summer to fall 2015 he would call different relatives to tell them he would be making big changes soon and moving on with his life. His girlfriend had the nerve to come without him, then pull me aside when she was there just to tell me that she wasnt trying to replace my mom and we should honor her at all occasions. Im 29 ok, my dad and mom were living with my moms mom in her house of 50years. My mom wanted to make sure to pass some of why her mother passed on to us, her kids. He also warned that she might block access. Because I was faced with a totally insensitive and unkind woman who barged in without the slightest sympathy or care for the family or me as a 13 year old living at home I blamed her more than I ought to have done. We are just trying to cope and move on but Ill tell you, it was way too soon for us. Update: My dad officially proposed and she accepted. I make a great effort to make her feel welcomed, to make conversation with her when I call the house, etc., but it frustrates me that he refuses to see that if he would stop pushing us to have a relationship with her, our relationship with her would actually improve. Please Open the Door and the path to a new relationship, to a new future together as a family. You are responsible to your family: you, spouse and child. And perhaps he will be aware of his insensitivity to you in addressing this lady by calling her Angel, etc. Should I send death certificate to this son? Web6.5K views, 109 likes, 83 loves, 0 comments, 3 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from ANIMI: 250 Just remember, Judi, the immediate family needs and deserves time before you can be accepted into their lives dont move in with Dad and dont allow Dad to move in with you and please I feel like Im being emotionally abandoned all over again and Im 50. I have told my dad that I felt she disrespected my mother with what she was doing and his reply was well if thats how you feel. She spent a lot of time complaining about just about everything. So as if all of this is not bad enough now he tells me that she is gunna move into his house. Its a destination wedding and he has told her that he wont be able to make it because of work. I have tried to explain to him how I feel and I think he just gets upset and really doesnt understand. Im sad that my Mom worked so hard all her life and many times was forced to be frugal and now woman will be reapiing the rewards of Moms hard work. Stage one: denial. I know it is selfish of me to feel this way and my dad deserves to be happy. If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years. My sister does not like her because she thinks they were going together before my Mom even died, or soon after and kept it a secret. I dont think that he was very tactful when he delivered the news of our engagement to them and I dont think they expected that he was going to propose after 2 1/2 years, but why not? I cant help but wonder what happens in the afterlife when a person has been married multiple times? And i was 12 years. I will leave you with a beautiful bible passage he would be happy to be rid of the old family and embrace his new family but we, the old family, will not let that happen. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. I live in England and certainly at that time no garage would have been open. We have three children. Nijedan od ovde navedenih proizvoda nisu lekovi, niti mogu biti zamena za uravnoteenu, raznovrsnu ishranu i zdrav nain ivota; kao ni za tretmane lekara i konsultacije s njim. I cannot believe how selfish some of these comments are. I wish people could see that jumping feet first into a relationship at an emotionally vulnerable time even if they think they are ready for it can have devastating consequences not only for the rest of the family but ultimately for themselves. done. I told Ellen that since my brother has never married and has no kids that he has no where to go on Thanksgiving. My father never married her which does not lessen his commitment to her in any way although he uses it as an excuse for weird behavior. I dont really want a relationship with her. You will know who the good ones are. I feel okay about my behavior through it all as I only ever told him the truth about how I felt, I never yelled or lost my temper. Being with my father when he died taught me more about life than death. My wife of 14 years committed suicide just over a year ago, leaving me with 4 children ages 12 and under. But for you being a young widow I think its astounding how you understand both sides of love and death now and like you said you can date and love someone again while at the same time never forgetting your first husband. This hurt because I have just lost my mom and now Im losing my dad. I would feel more comfortable with him dating, even if he set up a local profile on eharmony to meet for a date within the large cities he lives by. Dad went thru surgery and treatment and is now cancer free. What does this new lady have? That is why I really cant feel bad towards this womanif it wasnt her, it would be someone else. My parents were married for 26 years. All I have known for 26 years of my life is the love between my mother and my father. To say that the girlfriend is a hot mess would be an understatement. Every person mourns in different ways, intensity and time. Knowing that this person would throw you to the wolves if it would please her makes it hard to have a cheery disposition. Over 30 years this woman has caused havoc and hurt wherever she goes not just within our family but in her own. Dear Girlfriend, Well, he gets back from the phillipines and just a few months later he lets me know that he is starting the process which takes 4-8 months for her and her two year old son to come here, and that they are going to get married.

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