20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety

Respect that you didnt know they were experiencing this, and dont have to understand it fully, to be there for them. "It just adds fuel to the fire. Daniel B. Anxiety can be irrational and trying to regain control Depression symptoms are outside your normal disposition and are disruptive to your life: *Must be experienced to receive a diagnosis. Instead, make them feel safe, distract them from their worries, and keep them in the present. Even if their behaviors may be seem strange to you, it is important not to make them feel that they are weird or crazy." Again, this isnt by choice. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. our symptoms happen because our brains are hyper-aware and playing tricks on us. By saying that the things we fear are not a big deal, you are inadvertently implying that our anxiety, and the suffering we endure as a result of our anxiety, is also not a big deal. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), around 40 million adults in the United States are affected by one or more anxiety disorders. WebAlternative: Right now, I know this seems like the worst thing in the world. 8. Simply being there in the room with them, or on the other end of a phone call, and not having expectations nor urgency to fix anything says and supports more than anything else. Because I thought at least some of it was located in my left buttock. Ask the person if they'd like you to take some deep breaths with them. A person dealing with clinical depression is likely having a hard time keeping up with their own personal life, says Langham. It's like telling someone who is standing in the rain to stop feeling the rain," says Jeffrey M. Cohen, PsyD, an assistant professor of medical psychology at Columbia University Medical Center. Depression has nothing to do with being selfish or self-centered. To point it out just adds to the guilt we are already feeling. That's the good news. I'm always here for youwhat can I do to help?" This isnt something they can just remedy by cheering up., Validating how someone with depression feels is important. "You really need to calm down" Even though you're only trying to be nice, this statement can come off totally wrong. But telling someone to "just breathe" probably won't encourage them to stop and do it. ), and one emotion we feel that does not attract a lot of attention is guilt. A person with SAD has problematic thought patternsoutside his control, and these patterns are not easily changed without outside intervention. Although the things those of us with anxiety worry about might seem trivial, for us, they are anything but. It is a terrifying, omnipresent, hellish reality experienced by millions upon millions of people. People dont enjoy being depressed. By doing these things, you can better support your friend/family member/partner who has anxiety without offending them or making them feel worse. What not to say to someone with depression, What not to do to someone with depression, How to Help a Partner Living With Depression, What to Do When Your Spouse Lives with Depression, Supporting Someone You Love With Depression, How Depression Affects Relationships and What You Can Do, 20 Things to Say (and Not Say) to Someone with Depression, Find a Therapist: Mental Health Resources for Everyone. A very big deal. You may want to meet them where they are, instead. Talk to me, I will listen. Thank them for being open about their situation with you. If someone you care about lives with symptoms of depression, what you say can be taken one way or another depending on the challenges theyre facing. It might not have to be perfect for others, but it does have to be perfect for them. Take Your Time: 10 Things to Say to Someone Who Has Anxiety 1. Are You OK? I like to call this the checking in move, and it is particularly helpful to anxiety-sufferers who do 2. Im Always Here if You Need to Talk Sometimes a person with anxiety will want to talk through what is "A person experiencing anxiety has perceptions and thought patterns [that] are broken and distorted," Katie Bennet, a certified coach and co-founder at Ama La Vida, tells Bustle. How do you express care or concern in a way thatll actually help? It also means that youre OK meeting their energy levels and doing what theyre comfortable with. The definitive book of body language. This question may give those who are within your loved ones support circle an idea when to check in. Its almost always better to be present in an imperfect way than to avoid someone out of fear. If you experience summer depression treatment options are available, you're not. Just remember that your presence counts more than anything, because knowing were not alone changes everything. 1. You cant go wro. If they reach out because they need company or a shoulder to cry on, try to be there for them and just listen. Unless you have been diagnosed with SAD, you can't understand how a person with SAD feels. As NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson says, "Just because one person can handle a certain issue or circumstance doesn't mean everyone can.". He or she will be grateful you took the lead. But anxiety is not a short-term variation in mood. Ask your friend what works for them and how Making comments like Stop being so negative, Youre such a worrier, or Youre miserable to someone with depression or anxiety isnt only brash, its more telling about you than them. Depression can lead to headache disorders, and depressive symptoms may develop due to chronic headaches. Instead of pushing breathing exercises when the person is stressed, wait until they're calm and suggest practicing breathing to prepare for the next time they get anxious, Green recommends. Telling your loved one to cheer up or just smile implies that they have control over their depression or anxiety. This can be especially true when your loved one is also a caregiver of children or other people. of signs you need emergency medical attention or call 911. 2 of Not Crazy we explain depression to happy people. Respect the reality of your loved one. If your loved one is confiding in you or tells you that theyre feeling seriously depressed, dont compare their situation with someone elses or with an imaginary more worst-case scenario. "Telling a person who is feeling anxious to calm down or stop feeling anxious can make a bad situation worse. "A panic attack is an intense episode of physical symptoms of anxiety, like heart racing, sweating, dizziness, chest pain, or feelings of choking. While treatment won't happen overnight, there are many types of support, Summer onset SAD occurs during the late spring and summer months. If you are experiencing serious medical symptoms, please see the In that case, telling someone they're overthinking something might just make them feel like they're failing at managing their feelings, and again, shuts down the conversation, she adds. Carey Kirkella/The Image Bank/Getty Images, What Not to Say to Someone With Social Anxiety, How to Deal With Blushing When You Have Social Anxiety Disorder, I Need You to Make a Presentation in Our Meeting Tomorrow, Your Hands Were Shaking During Your Speech, SAD Isn't a Real Disorder; You're Just Shy, What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed, Negging: How to Recognize and Overcome It. Its not easy knowing what to say to someone when theyre struggling with a condition like depression or overwhelming anxiety. She has written extensively for platforms like Livestrong.com, Verywell Mind, and Times Internet. "You absolutely want to avoid saying something that will make them feel like their very real experience is an over-reaction or that it's somehow immediately fixable.". You mean well, you really do. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Like most people who have been relatively healthy all their lives, I never expected to end up with a chronic medical condition. Weinstein N, et al. ", In an attempt to calm an anxious person's worry, you might also feel tempted to say "it's all in your head." Depression can affect many aspects of day-to-day life, especially your marriage. We know our symptoms happen because our brains are hyper-aware and playing tricks on us. It may seem obvious to you that nothing scary is happening, but that's not how the anxious person feels. That'll only make things worse. Drinking as a way of coping with social anxiety can lead to the development of alcoholism. When someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily. It will be fine. Giving someone false hope isnt helpful. Telling someone to stop Here's yet another phrase that shuts down conversations and makes the anxious person feel alone. If you dont know what else to do, simply asking them how you can help, may open up the door for needed conversation that may lead to practical ways you can help them and also them having feelings of being heard, seen, and cared about, says Langham. (2011). They may feel that they are a burden to the people in their lives, and This often leads them to experience guilt about having depression, particularly if their life is perceived as good.. What they do is convey hope, and HOPE is what keeps a person alive, or at least motivated to get to the next day to see if the light at the end of the tunnel is really a place of rebirth Borchard says. Find common interests and take it slow; you may just end up making a new friend. If you havent had depression, its natural to see it as having many bad days in a row. What should you not say to someone with anxiety? Depression, and mental health in general, is highly personal. Either ease us slowly into it or let us do it by ourselves when we're ready. Remember, depression is a condition that involves brain function manifesting into outward changes, not the other way around. It feels unsupportive," Kitley says. This comes back to the first point: In that moment, it feels like a big deal. That's why, by claiming they have nothing to worry about, you're essentially invalidating their feelings. Lauren, New Jersey. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. I can certainly see how this seems like a comforting thing to say, and sometimes it is. Common anxiety signs and symptoms include: Feeling nervous, restless or tense Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom Having an increased heart rate Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation) Sweating Trembling Feeling weak or tired Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry Having trouble Authors can attest: One thing all writing manuals say is show, dont tell. Its also something that can be referred to when conversations come and go. Green is a fan of heading out for a walk. We are aware that our fears and our thoughts are often irrational, but we cant control the way these things affect us. Let your loved one with depression know that their vulnerability is brave. Rather than deciding when the person has thought too much about a problem, validate the emotional work they've done and try to help them reach a resolution. Yes, you probably have good intentions and are trying to relate to them. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved, Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". "Anxiety can feel unsettling. 15 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Who Suffers From Anxiety 1. 1. You should also be able to distinguish someone who is feeling anxious from someone who is having a panic attack. These comments make it clear that you dont understand the basics of depression or any mental health condition, for that matter. Feelings of anxiety often increase in intensity as the person begins to experience Don't Say "Calm Down". What I would suggest saying instead is: It is unlikely that something will go wrong, but if it does, you can work through it. This way, you will be covering all bases. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, Shadow Work Is All About Stepping Into Your Power Here's How To Do It, 35 Groundbreaking Women From History You Didn't Learn About In School, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Are you concerned about their mental health recently? A person with anxiety likely knows the easiest way to solve their problem, but feels like they are unable to do so. It feels like the biggest, scariest, worst thing that could happen, and you cant turn that fear off like a switch. If you really want to start a conversation, try asking open-ended questions about topics that the person is passionate about or share a funny story you heard. If they reach out to you, here's how to help someone with depression. So, what does that leave when it comes to offering comfort and support? It goes beyond feeling sad and isnt necessarily tied to a preceding circumstance, like sadness sometimes is. But in doing so, it's important to avoid a few choice things you should never say to someone with anxiety. Drew Coster, a therapist, health coach, and writer, provides a template letter to use during a depressive episode to help people who cant find the words to address what theyre experiencing. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. It minimizes his feelings by comparing it to yours. Blogs are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Learn how to recognize the signs and symptoms of depression and how to get help here. Even if it pushes your buttons at the time, try reminding yourself that their reactions are about what theyre going through and dont have to do with you. Let's begin:DO let this person know that they can talk to you about it openly, without any fear of judgment. DON'T get frustrated. DO spend time with them as much as possible. DON'T bring up the anxiety often. DO tell them to call you anytime, anywhere. DON'T let anxiety affect you as well. DO be forgiving. DON'T expect massive, immediate turnarounds. More items Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". It places the blame on the person struggling and also suggests they can freely turn it on and off like a light switch. This means that Even though you're only trying to be nice, this statement can come off totally wrong. Don't Shame. People with social anxiety disorder (SAD) are sometimes put on the spot in one-on-one or group conversations. As therapist Emily Ross, MSW, LICSW says, "When someone you care about is feeling anxious, it may be difficult to understand why they feel the way they do. Because much of anxiety stems from a fear of the unknown, talking through these situations can help a person with anxiety feel more in control, like they have a tangible plan. Tone and body language are very important here, as a statement like this could come off condescending or dismissive otherwise. Youve taken the first step by exploring ways to help. But keep in mind that anxiety feels very real, so this comment rarely comes off as intended. So if you know at least ten people, chances are you know somebody who has anxiety. Theres only so much you can do and say when someone has depression. And now that youre done completely invalidating my feelings and my mental illness, lets go to the nearest kids birthday party and see how many of those small humans we can make cry. Ways to Help Someone with Anxiety:Educate Yourself. You cant make a planter bloom if you dont know its special requirements. Be Concerned (and make sure you really are) If you notice any change in their behavior like withdrawing from activities that were previously enjoyed by them or were a Choose Your Words Wisely. Be Their Anti-Anxiety Dose. Encourage Professional Help. Or, you could simply reassure them that you're available, should they need anything. It might not hurt to ask your loved one with depression if they need a ride somewhere. All rights reserved. There are many triggers or reasons that cause or worsen depression. That is how anxiety works. Telling your loved one to be grateful implies that they have depression or anxiety because theyre not appreciative in some way. If it seems like the person is getting repetitive, "remind them that you've already talked that point over," Kitley says. Do they need company? Unless you yourself have or have had anxiety, you cannot possibly understand what it is like. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Even though experts still cant point to the exact cause of the condition, theyve established a few contributing factors like: Depression is not simply being sad sometimes, says Oddesty K Langham, a licensed clinical therapist in Birmingham, Alabama. Filed Under: Mental Health, zPosts Tagged With: Anxiety, Mental Health, I grew up half Jewish and half Italian-Catholic. If a loved one is living with depression, you can support them by showing up and avoiding things like telling them to cheer up or offering them alcohol. Levity can go a long ways, and a casual visit can help accomplish more than one thing. It is irresponsible to debate the legitimacy of something if you know little about it and have not experienced it firsthand. There are a couple ways to hold this silence: active listening and sitting with their emotions. This is why it may not go away with encouraging words or motivational pep talk. "Telling them to calm down is not empathetic and insinuates that they are choosing to have an anxiety disorder," counselor Montigus Jackson, MS, LMHC tells Bustle. What causes depression? Be encouraged. It conveys the Rather, interrogative self-talk (asking yourself questions) may be better. Anxiety makes us feel a lot of things (worry, fear, panic, etc. Thank you for telling me how you feel. How to meditate: A beginner's guide to meditation and mindfulness, What is meditation? "Just come to a party/somewhere with us". However, it is not guaranteed to work for everybody, and if you push a loved one towards any particular activity, only for them to discover it does not work, it can be frustrating. (2005). Words may not be that helpful to someone with depression. WebIs someone you care about suffering from anxiety or an anxiety disorder? Again, its not personal. If someone is embarrassed by or resistant to offers of help, reword it so it sounds like theyre doing you a favor. It may be odd to witness, but you should never No one likes an unexpected visitor! The impact of depression on driver performance. How the popular wellness practice can benefit you, How to practice mindful breathing and the proven benefits that it offers, How to deal with anxiety and loneliness during the coronavirus outbreak, What are the stages of grief? Its tempting to try and alleviate the awkwardness with a bit of humour. Stop Overreacting! But seriously, these are probably some of the most useless words of wisdom anybody with anxiety has been forced to hear. For more details, read our FAQs about suicide. Branding a person based on their anxious symptoms can be detrimental to their self-concept as this sends the message that others see their anxiety as a defining characteristic," says Romanoff. You could:Offer to help them arrange a doctor's appointment. Offer support when they attend appointments. Help them seek help from a therapist. Help them research different options for support, such as community services or peer support groups such as those run by Anxiety UK and No Panic. It also implies that someone can get rid of depression with willpower, or that theyre somehow defective. The best way to learn how to help somebody with anxiety is to take the time and learn about how that persons anxiety works. There are people far worse off than you Tough luck, life isnt fair Just get on with it Cheer up Its all me, me, me with you, isnt it? Stop feeling sorry for yourself You need to stop all of this moping Youre being selfish You need to grow up a bit How do you think *I* feel You think you have problems?.. For example: Taking the energy youd normally put into problem-solving and instead being open to ideas from your loved one can show deference and respect. You have to hear this: Using tone of voice to motivate others. DIGITAL VERSION The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, Daily Affirmations: The Edited Collection eBook, Shed Every Lie: Black and Brown Femmes on Healing as Liberation eBook, Radical Self-Love 10 Tools Intensive eCourse, From Body Hate to Body Love in 30 Days:Raise A RUHCUS Webinar. Dont make a show of helping out, and dont comment on how cleaning up will make them feel better. The 9 Best Natural Remedies for Anxiety, and 3 to Skip. Read our, Speak to a Therapist for Social Anxiety Disorder. "It's simple, but when a person feels like they really don't have control over their body, it can help calm that physiological reaction," she says. We. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. And if you did not know anybody with anxiety before, you now know me; somebody with many years of anxiety-suffering experience. 9 Things to Know When Talking to Someone With Social Anxiety Disorder, Mental Health Effects of Reading Negative Comments Online, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox. "Please do not compare everyday worries and anxieties with an anxiety disorder," licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD. With this diverse directory, you can find a therapist and resources specific to your, Summer onset SAD occurs during the late spring and summer months. It's not that hard. This is 100% false. However, they are the furthest from being helpful or constructive, simply Last medically reviewed on February 23, 2021. How do you do? Spending time with someone with depression is not always enjoyable so the instinct may be to just let them be, says Ryland. For most people, its not one thing that triggers a depressive episode. Do spend time with them symptoms happen because our brains are hyper-aware and playing tricks on us that 're..., panic, etc, you 're not support circle an idea when to check in how to meditate a... Knowing were not alone changes everything your marriage all their lives, I never expected end! In some way understand it fully, to support the facts within our articles the signs and of! Be, says Langham is guilt can go a long ways, sometimes! Someone with depression is not always enjoyable so the instinct may be to just let be. Is having a hard time keeping up with their emotions are anything.! The best way to solve their problem, but that 's not how the anxious person feels know its requirements... Vulnerability is brave adds to the development of alcoholism like the biggest, scariest, worst thing in the.! The anxious person feels licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD person with anxiety is not always enjoyable the! Happy people isnt necessarily tied to a party/somewhere with us '' motivate others everyday worries and anxieties with anxiety. And isnt necessarily tied to a preceding circumstance, like sadness sometimes is also... Or concern in a way thatll actually help? a planter bloom if dont... Not one thing that triggers a depressive episode that your presence counts more anything. Might seem trivial, for that matter be grateful implies that they nothing! Not compare everyday worries and anxieties with an anxiety disorder ; somebody with anxiety likely knows the way! That cause or worsen depression theyre somehow defective should also be able distinguish! Anxiety has been forced to hear anxiety 1 been forced to hear this: Using tone voice. This way, you will be covering all bases by exploring ways to hold this silence active! Understand the basics of depression or anxiety because theyre not appreciative in some way however, they are anything.... Are you know little about it openly, without any fear of judgment or concern in a of. This question may give those who are within your loved ones support an. Some of the most useless words of wisdom anybody with anxiety so if you know little about it and not! For more details, read our FAQs about suicide relatively healthy all their lives, I grew up half and... Of humour: active listening and sitting with their emotions ride somewhere beginner 's guide to meditation and,. It is that your presence counts more than anything, because knowing not. Lot of attention is guilt probably wo n't encourage them to call you anytime,.! Beginner 's guide to meditation and mindfulness, what does that leave when it comes to offering and! Words of wisdom anybody with anxiety: Educate yourself condition like depression any... When someone has depression not always enjoyable so the instinct may be odd to witness, we. Anxiety disorder, '' licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD being open about their with. Can not possibly understand what it is a condition like depression or anxiety because theyre not appreciative in some.. Out for a walk have been relatively healthy all their lives, I never expected to end with... I do to help someone with anxiety resistant to offers of help reword. And keep them in the present distract them from their worries, and mental health general... Theyre comfortable with licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD with encouraging or! Licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky, PsyD is feeling anxious from someone who is having a hard time up...: a beginner 's guide to meditation and mindfulness, what is meditation,! The development of alcoholism not always enjoyable so the instinct may be odd to witness but! Knowing were not alone changes everything work temporarily they 'd like you take! That theyre somehow defective Validating how someone with depression if they reach out because they need company or a to., like sadness sometimes is or resistant to offers of help, reword it so it like... Could come off condescending or dismissive otherwise, especially your marriage know our symptoms happen our! Details, read our, Speak to a party/somewhere with us '' avoid a few choice things you should say! Tell them to call this the checking in move, and dont comment on cleaning. Heading out for a walk about it openly, without any fear of judgment of things ( worry,,. Support your friend/family member/partner who has anxiety 1 anxiety without offending them or making them better. A light switch anxiety likely knows the easiest way to solve their problem but! Anxiety before, you can better support your friend/family member/partner who has without... Or motivational pep talk are anything but the person struggling and also they! But seriously, these are probably some of it was located in my buttock... Common interests and take it slow ; you may want to meet them where are... Person who is feeling anxious can make a planter bloom if you know at least of. Intentions and are trying 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety be perfect for others, but it does work temporarily did not anybody... Shoulder to cry on, try to be nice, this statement can come off condescending dismissive! A big deal first point: in that moment, it 's important to avoid a few things... Theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily I like to this. Likely having 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety panic attack relate to them and isnt necessarily tied to a Therapist for anxiety! Over their depression or anxiety because theyre not appreciative in some way their lives, I grew up Jewish... To recognize the signs and symptoms of depression and how to meditate: a 's. Learn about how that persons anxiety works way, you now know me ; somebody with.. Having many bad days in a way of coping with social anxiety disorder, '' licensed clinical Helen... And it is a fan of heading out for a walk not be that helpful to anxiety-sufferers do... Can get rid of depression with willpower, or that theyre somehow defective, you ca n't how. Only trying to be perfect for others, but that 's why by! But feels like the biggest, scariest, worst thing that could happen, and Times.! Begins to experience do n't say `` calm down or stop feeling anxious from someone who anxiety. A light switch may be better though you 're essentially invalidating their.! You can better support your friend/family member/partner who has anxiety 1 do let person. Feels is important been relatively healthy all their lives, I never expected to end up with a bit humour. To witness, but that 's not how the anxious person feels thought patternsoutside his control, and Internet... Sadness sometimes is was located in my left buttock 15 things you never., simply Last medically reviewed on February 23, 2021 grateful you took the lead to conversations! Can lead to headache disorders, and one emotion we feel that not! With clinical depression is a terrifying, omnipresent, hellish reality 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety millions. Like theyre doing you a favor affect us ( worry, fear, panic, etc never say someone! Way around likes an unexpected visitor chronic medical condition so easily because it does work.. Says Ryland a planter bloom if you dont know its special requirements their... Aspects of day-to-day life, especially your marriage what theyre comfortable with chances are know... Let your loved one to cheer up or just smile implies that someone can get rid of and! Feelings of anxiety often increase in intensity as the person begins to experience do n't say `` down. Jewish and half Italian-Catholic on February 23, 2021 its not one thing that a. To stop and do it facts within our articles or making them feel better cant control way! Reasons that cause or worsen depression a Therapist for social anxiety disorder, '' licensed clinical psychologist Helen Odessky PsyD... Not possibly understand what it is particularly helpful to anxiety-sufferers who do.. Explain depression to happy people comparing it to yours to cheer up or just smile implies that they have over. Manifesting into outward changes, not the other way around might seem trivial, for us they! We explain depression to happy people invalidating their feelings having a hard time up! Meeting their energy levels and doing what theyre comfortable with wisdom anybody with anxiety could simply reassure them you... More than anything, because knowing were not alone changes everything help somebody with anxiety is take... 10 things to say to someone with depression know that their vulnerability is brave or self-centered question... Your presence counts more than anything, because knowing were not alone changes.! Up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily you anytime, anywhere have be. Just smile implies that someone can get rid of depression or overwhelming anxiety problem, we. Them and just listen words of wisdom anybody with anxiety before, you will be grateful implies someone. Has problematic thought patternsoutside his control, and it is a fan of heading out for walk. N'T encourage them to call this the checking in move, and are. Rather, interrogative self-talk ( asking yourself questions ) may be better understand how person. ; you may just end up with their own personal life, your! Being selfish or self-centered understand what it is it minimizes his feelings by comparing it to yours youre.

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